


Sometimes I think about Elizabeth

by cafedanslanuit



Series: Mystic Messenger Angst Week 2020 [3]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27732595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafedanslanuit/pseuds/cafedanslanuit
Summary: Jumin tries to deal with the grief of losing Elizabeth the 3rd.
Relationships: Han Jumin/Main Character, Han Jumin/Reader
Series: Mystic Messenger Angst Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026001
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Sometimes I think about Elizabeth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Camila (2014-2017)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Camila+%282014-2017%29).



> The title is a direct reference to "A veces pienso en Camila", a song by Rafo de la Cuba. It's a song that always makes me think of my dog who is now in Heaven, Camila, and was a big inspiration for this peace.
> 
> A veces pienso en Camila / pienso en todo lo que no fue / cuando despierto con ella a mi lado / sé, que en verdad todo está bien [Sometimes I think about Camila / I think about everything that she never was / And when I wake up with her besides me / I know that truly, all is well]

You’ve never seen him so broken.

He hasn’t shed a tear since you left the vet’s office, carrying the white little body wrapped in a blanket -her favourite blanket- to the way to the car. Your whole body trembles as you cry and he puts an arm around your shoulders, trying to comfort you. Somehow, it makes you feel worse. You should be the one comforting him. After all, she was the closest thing to a child he’s ever had and now all that’s left is a limp body of what used to be Elizabeth the 3rd.

None of you say anything until you reach the penthouse. You mention about burying her in the rooftop garden and Jumin nods silently, reaching out to take his phone out of his pocket. You stop him in his tracks and shake your head, explaining you have you do this. Together. He just looks at you, eyes empty of emotion and nods once more.

  
  


Jumin keeps finding white hairs all over the apartment. You call the cleaning service and cancel it for the rest of the week. The next few days, Jumin and you start collecting all of the fur Elizabeth left behind and put them in a small wooden box. You notice him burying his fingers in the box, feeling the texture between his digits with a dazed look.

He thinks that if he gathers enough white hairs he can build the cat back.

A part of you thinks so too.

  
  


You make sure Elizabeth’s new home always has fresh flowers. Every time you go to the rooftop, you ask Jumin if he wants to go with you. He refuses, claiming he has work to do. His tone is soft, caring, almost as if nothing is bothering him. As if he isn’t hurting. As if his grief wasn’t as big as yours. After a small smile, he turns his eyes to the paperwork in front of him again. You wait a moment for him to change his mind but he doesn't. You ask if he needs more time but he keeps working, as if he hadn't listened to you. It doesn't take long for you leave.  


  
  


Jumin turns into a ghost. The man you loved and married isn't there anymore. The void in his eyes never fully goes away, not even when he shares dinner with you. He nods in the right moments and never interrupts your story, but you notice he isn’t really there. 

He hasn’t been for a while.

  
  


You see him burying himself in work again.

One afternoon, you receive a worried phone call from Jaehee, about Jumin raising his voice to one of the employees. In all the years she had worked under him, she had never seen him lose composure, but now there was a secretary silently sobbing on her desk. You thank her for the call and promise to talk to him. You end up breaking your promise, after falling asleep when it was one in the morning and Jumin still isn’t home. When you wake up, there’s a lingering warmth on his side of the bed, but your husband has left the penthouse once more.

  
  


One night, you mention him about doing a free vaccination campaign for cats in a poor neighbourhood. You tell him the campaign can have Elizabeth’s name and that you’ve spent the last week working on the project proposal and maybe he should take a good. It would be a good way to honor her memory, you say. He nods mind-absently and asks you to put it on the kitchen counter so he can have a look later.

Two weeks later, you clean the fine dust layer on the folder and decide to bring it up on another occasion. 

  
  


Jaehee looks at you worriedly as you stir the coffee in front of you. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ you tell her, a knot forming in your throat. ‘I don’t know how to help him’. Your friend looks at you and squeezes your hand in comfort. She knows there isn’t a lot she can say and so do you. You take another sip of your drink and ask her about Zen’s play again.

  
  


It’s been months since you’ve seen Jumin sitting in the living room when you get home. He’s usually still at the company or locked down in his home office but now he’s looking at the night’s sky, his back to you in profound silence. You close the door behind you softly and take off your high heels, walking to your husband slowly. Just when you’re about to reach him, you see his shoulder shaking, his head looking down and the unmistakable sound of a sob. You lighten your steps and kneel on the sofa next to him, your hand on his back while asking him what’s wrong.

You look down and see a tiny pink collar on his hands, the ripped bag lying on the floor. A delayed delivery.

“She’s gone,” he whimpers, his face flushed and filled with tears. There’s so much strain in his features, his veins a little more visible and his eyes red, letting you know how long he had been crying. Matching tears fall silently across your cheeks, and you gently turn him your way, embracing him with a hug. It takes him a couple of seconds, but then he circles your waist with his arms tightly, crying on your chest loudly.

You stroke his back with soothing motions with one hand, while the other caresses his dark locks. And even though he’s breaking, your heart finds peace in the midst of your husband’s grief: he’s finally back.

“When does it stop hurting?” he asks hours later, his voice hoarse and broken.

“It doesn’t,” you reply softly. He looks up to you confused and you take the chance to wipe the tears off his face. “But we learn to live with it until one day her memory brings us a smile rather than tears.”

Jumin nods and buries his face on your chest again. He doesn’t cry again but he doesn’t let you go either. You keep on caressing his back and hair in silence.

Later that night, he finally follows you to the rooftop and sits down in front of Elizabeth’s grave as you change the flowers. You tell him a sweet story about her and he replies with another one. In between tears and weak laughs, stories come and go until the sun starts rising again. He makes sure to let Jaehee know he’s not coming to the office today before he crawls into bed with you. You receive him with open arms and he falls asleep almost immediately after he rests his head on your chest.

Jumin comes back the night he realizes she’s not coming back.

But it was also the night she was born again in his memory.


End file.
